It’s been just over a year since my last blog post. Circumstances have cattle-prodded me into reflecting on the year, my actions, my words, and my mistakes. Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of smiles, laughter, and love over the year, too. Right now, however, I’m asking myself if all my life experiences have emotionally damaged me beyond repair.
In my loopy head, I’ve been coming up with lines for my classified ad if I was a car or a home for sale by owner. These are some of my current faves:
- Car: Body is in good shape but needs mechanical work.
- Home: Good foundation but gut renovation necessary prior to inhabiting.
- Car: Some cosmetic damage from multiple accidents but engine still runs.
- Home: Good bones; needs TLC
I know I’m making light of the situation, but I’m hurt and heartbroken, and right now I wonder how to patch up my emotionally messy self.
Folks who know me often characterize me as strong or tough. In some ways, being like that has helped me survive. Perhaps this armor I wear around my heart is what’s causing the damage and not preventing it.
You know, cars beyond repair get totaled and homes get demolished. The truth of the matter is that I’m the only one who can “fix myself up” and I think, at least I hope, I’m worth it.